Do you love Me more than These?

Jesus asked Peter, "Do you love me more than these?". I guess I had always thought that Jesus was referring to the other followers there on the beach that day. (John 21:15) I have read commentaries with that view several times. But, in a recent message preached by Pastor Sean Azzaro at River City Community Church in San Antonio, Texas, it was pointed out that the "these" may have been the fishing gear, boat, and the fishing trade that Peter had gone back to. You see, it is easy to think that Peter was just going out for a fishing trip, but harder to think that maybe this one time fisherman, follower of Jesus, was now returning to his old trade - that maybe he had given up, even after seeing everything that he had seen. After all the miracles, teachings, and even scoldings, he still wanted to return to the familiar. It's hard to see it that way, but it is possible that it is true.

So, if that is true, then Jesus was asking a very pointed question: "Do you love me more than all this stuff that makes you comfortable?" And what's worse, I think He is asking me that same question.

This morning in my Coffee with God time, and really over the last few days, I have been thinking about my "these". I have a lot of "these's". From a worldly standpoint, I should be proud. I have worked hard and accomplished much. But, when I really let myself look at this from the perspective of a follower of Jesus, I think I just have stuff that is making me comfortable... and I am not so sure anymore that I am supposed to be comfortable.

Even as I type these words, I am feeling this fear of exposing myself as an impostor. Sure, I lead a Life Group, play guitar and sing at church, read my Bible, and really try to love others... but do I love Jesus more than my "these"? I want to say I do, but it is possible the evidence points the other way. I have a lot of "STUFF". Have I allowed the things of this world to cloud my view of who I am in Jesus? The conflict raging in my heart right now says that it is possible. I know I must act. I must.

Peter was grieved when Jesus asked for the third time, "Do you love Me?" I think I am feeling that grief. Maybe Peter was thinking, "Yes, Jesus, I did sort of run back to the things I knew that I was good at... the things that are comfortable in my life, didn't I?" It grieved him to look into his own heart and see that his lack of faith showed up again. I am acutely aware of that grief, and I do not like it. Not one bit.

That leaves me with a question that has to be answered by action. What are my "these's" and will I let them go. If I am going to love Jesus more, I think I have to take a full inventory of my "stuff", my life, and see if anything is getting in the way. I have to look at my house, my cars, my job, my guitars, my tools, my everything. Not that I think any of these things are evil in and of themselves. But if they somehow are getting in the way of me giving my all to Jesus, then for me, they are evil. I will admit, I am feeling some serious conflicts in my heart, and that is telling me that I need to make some changes... I need to make some choices.

Even more embarrassing now is that I wondering what others will think of me... I believe that is called "pride". But my hope is that all of this is coming from a God who loves me more than anything, and He has my best interests in His heart. If I want to truly follow Him, then I really have to follow. Here at a local church here in San Antonio my first Pastor, Phillip Walton, would always say, "If you are following someone, then you will be walking behind them... following." In other words, you go where He goes, you do what He does... there is evidence to the following.

We are called to take up the cross, and leave our "these". If we have placed our trust in the One True and Holy God, we are called to follow Him, to Trust Him, and to love Him more than anything else. And when we do, it looks like it... there is evidence of the following, the trusting, the loving.

I am sharing this with the hope that writing it down will make it a point in history where I have declared that I want to follow in truth. And as I struggle through this "cleansing" for lack of a better word, I hope this challenges you to consider what your "these's" are. If you are anything like me, you will feel fear. You might be embarrassed, and you may want to avoid the question. Maybe that is why Jesus asked three times: "Do you love me more than these?" Maybe it took three times to sink into the heart of a conflicted man on the beach in Judea. Maybe it takes at least three times to break through the heart and mind of a man in San Antonio.

I guess we will see.